so this is my blog if anyone is readinig i can promise nothing special life it is just as it reads my pathotic life my life that i feel has no meaning my life that i have no clue in hell what i am doing i have no idea whats going on i dont even know my self well enough to know what is going on inside my head i need this blog to vent my feelings because honestly i have no one else or no where else to put my thoughts my hurt feelings or even my happy feelings which are extermely rare and dont happen very often so if i ever write about that it's a special treat for you all. my new year i want to be better but i know that it wont i know that it will still have the pains and baggage from years past i am not stupid i know well not everything or else i would be a much more pleasent person to be around or my real self would be pleasent i feel like me the real me may get turned away and shut down i dont even think my real family knows who i am . knows that i am searching for somthing greater in life something better than fame and glory all i want is happiness which is hard to come by these days i have never said outloud (a.k.a where someone other than me could know thats how i feel) . i dont really know whats even going on in my head who kever really knows what is going on in their own head anyways right i'm not crazy i am just searching and i need someone to know that thats me or hershey's i need someone in the world to have the pociablity of knowing my heart feels like it is breaking every second of every day ...